magic.rox

On a weird statistical note, this is my 200th post to this blog.  I really thought I had written more than that, but not.

The troubling part is the reason why I’m writing this entry.  Rachel and I have been trying to be closer, as we’ve been going through a spell where we are more like roomies than spouses.  It’s really bugged me, and I think it has bugged her too.  We have made some strides in our relationship, but as my dad famously says “almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.”

I’ve been having some serious problems in the intimate department of our relationship.  It’s not that I don’t desire my wife anymore, I just can’t perform.  Basically at all.  It makes it hard to be close (in that way) when you know you don’t even have a chance to perform the duties you were designed to do.

I had my yearly appointment with my neurologist this week and I asked him several questions about possible side effects of the two anti-convulsant medications I take, Keppra and Carbatrol.  He told me that those two medications do indeed have sexual side effects and almost instantly offered to prescribe me my pick of something for “ED.”

It was almost like a knee-jerk reaction, and it kind of scared me.  I guess his adrenaline levels finally got in check and he ordered some labs for me.  Mainly my testosterone and thyroid levels.

I found out today that my testosterone levels are, “extremely low for a person of my age” according to my neurologist.  This has put me into a tailspin of feelings and emotions regarding my health.

Should a otherwise healthy 28 year old be taking Viagra?  It’s excluded by my insurance, which makes it almost non reachable financially.  I called the pharmacy to see what the cost of this would be, $144 for 12 pills.  With all of lifes’ expenses, this is one we can do without.

I then called to make an appointment with my General Physician, Dr. Bannec.  He’s a great guy, and I’ve seen him since I was 17.  Hopefully he knows of or can find a better financially suited treatment for me than these $12 a shot “happy pills.”

I’m not complaining about my neurologist as this isn’t really his field.  I’m actually happy he ordered the lab work so we could find the root of the problem.

I just hope life, especially my intimate life can get back to normal as soon as possible.

I have been in a lot of pain recently.  What really puzzles me is that I haven’t been involved in any rigorous activities.  The only thing I have been really doing lately is sitting on a chair and looking at a computer screen, or laid back in my recliner after work.

My main areas of complaint are my knees and calves.

I had (or at least I thought) a knee injury from a car wreck back when I was 14, but it hasn’t been hurting for years.  The other knee I really have no idea about.

My calves have been really tight lately, I’ve been having muscle spasms on a semi-regular basis in that area.

I just don’t want to go to the doctor, I’m not making much money right now and when I’m not at work I’m not being paid.

I hope this ends soon.  I have big plans that require my health be in good shape!

Several months ago, Rachel and I had our yearly appointments with an ophthalmologist.  She has horrible vision, and mine isn’t bad but is slowly getting worse.

We went to her doctor this time, as they offer discounts for IU employees.  One thing I found very interesting is a service they offer, Eye Scanning.  Instead of dilating your eyes, they have a machine that sounds like a turbine jet engine that takes a picture of them.  It’s called Optomap.  Supposedly with this method, they can see more of the backside of your eyes than with dilation.

When my appointment was over, I asked them if they would send me the pictures.  I finally got them today.

There is a famous saying that states “The eyes are the windows to the soul,” what does my “soul” say to you?

Here is my left eye:

Here is my right eye:

I think they are very facinating pictures to a mysterious world we don’t often see.

While in Oklahoma visiting my aunts, I went to look at an old radio that was my grandfather’s.  My aunt Laura has it in a storage trailer of hers, and said that I could have it.  While we did not have space for it to bring it back with us, I will make a trip to pick it up soon.

The trailer was very high off the ground, about 6 feet to be exact.  They had a pallet sitting on it’s side to climb up into it, and at the time I didn’t feel sure about climbing down it, so I jumped.  BIG MISTAKE!  I just found out today that I “might” have broken my right tibia.  The x-ray was inconclusive to a doctor and the x-ray tech.  They sent it off to a radiologist so I should find out tomorrow.

But I got these beautiful, incredible pictures of an item that is worth it’s weight in gold to me.

Many people may see those pictures and just see an old radio, I see something much different.

My grandfather was a radio & TV repairman for most of his professional career.  He was the ONLY one in Adair county, Oklahoma.  While in the navy during WWII, he installed radar systems on the pacific fleet.  This radio represents what my grandpa was, and what he loved.  He was always into “new technology” just as I am.  I think I get most of my curiosity about this from him.

He was the only grandfather I really knew, and I still miss him to this day.  I was given his truck when I was 19, due to my epilepsy and age it was wrecked.  I spent every dime I had to try to fix it, but could not.  This item will not be treated with the same reckless abandon.

I can’t believe someone can be this cruel.  Just watch the video below.

Since I’ve started taking Chantix, and quit smoking.  I have this strange feeling, it’s like I’m empty inside now.

While non smokers may not understand what I’m talking about, its more mental than physical and in my case has deep implications.

When you smoke, that’s always your out, or “thing” to do.  Some smokers, like me, always try to “do” something like smoke.  It helps pass the time.

Now that I’m not enjoying my habit, my life feels empty.  It’s very strange, and I’m still getting used to it.

To help, I have been making trips to the nearest gas stations every night to get a pop or ice cream, etc.  It makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something.  Others think I’m just using it as an excuse to smoke, but I’m staying true this time.

I have attempted to quit smoking many times.  I have used the patch, gum and lozenges.

This time I’m taking a more pharmaceutical try.  Last Tuesday, I had an appointment with my physician who I hadn’t seen in almost 10 years.  He prescribed Chantix, an interesting drug.

This drug works in a very interesting manner, and there are other drugs which work the same way, just on different drugs.

It works by blocking and eventually killing the receptors in the brain that crave and cause a person to desire nicotine.  I worked on a similar drug at Baxter that did the same thing regarding alcohol.  There is another one I know of that works with morphine.

I’m still smoking, my official quit date is Monday.  Chantix is taken for a week while you smoke, to build up the drugs level in your system.

I deeply hope I’m able to drop this habit.  My health isn’t as good as it should be, at $4 to $5 a pack, it’s not a cheap habit.  We guesstimate that it’s costing between $1000 and $1500 a year.

Wish me luck!

Last night I received a call from my daughters mother.  Taylor had a seizure!

I was almost certain this was over, when she was around 1 she had a few seizures.

This brought me into an immediate depression with thoughts that I had passed it to her via my DNA.  I was assured by the doctor’s that since I was not born with epilepsy, I could not pass it to my children.  I’m starting to doubt that.

There are 2 events that occurred that could have actually given Taylor an impact to her brain to eventually cause epilepsy.  When her mom was 3 months pregnant with her, she had a bad car accident.  She broke her ankle and did a number on her nose.  Her car was turned into a V shape.  Then, when Taylor was a few months old an incident occured with my mother.  My mother was watching her for the day, she went and got some groceries and upon her return to home, placed Taylor on the counter in her car seat.  Taylor proceeded to rock a little bit, and she fell to the floor, face first.  She had a black eye that just made you cry.

Taylor had a few seizures a few months after the 2nd incident occurred.

There are some strange coincidences around this though.  Both my sister and I have epilepsy, and it started around the same age.  In both cases it has been contributed to blows to the head, but it can’t be proven to the Nth degree.

I hope my daughter doesn’t have to go through this horrible condition.  I believe it makes you a better person inside, but nobody wants their children to go through things such as these.

Hang in there Tator Bug.  Daddy loves you.

Not too long after I awoke today, something very strange happened to me.

I had what I’m calling a mini-seizure.

Just as I was about to take my morning dose of anti-seizure medication, the world started spinning.  It felt like when you get off of a tilt-a-whirl, and still feel like your spinning.

I lost all orientation.  Trying to be smart, I even stepped to the left to “try” to walk as swiftly as I could to my bed.

My stomach became very upset as well, and stayed that way for most of the day.

My dizzy feelings went away after a few minutes, and I laid down to rest my weary mind.

My mental capacity has also been diminished most of the day.  Here it is almost 1am and I’m wide awake, my mind bursting with thoughts.

I hope this is the optimist in me speaking, but one very good thing happened here today, I never lost consciousness!  This has only happened one other time, 7 years ago.

I hope I will someday be as lucky as Editor B.  He had epilepsy for years, and it eventually went away.  The jury’s still out on my case, but this may be a step in the right direction.

Oh wait, it’s Tuesday right now.  Anyways, Monday wasn’t a good day for the magic man.  About 5:30am I began feeling dizzy and lightheaded.  A sure sign that a seizure was coming on.  Not good for someone who is constantly driving equipment costing between 100 and 200k!

I decided to lay down, but where?  This is a dirty, grimy shop with nothing comfortable in sight.  So I clocked out and headed for my truck.  CJ said he would wake me in an hour or so.

I must say the nap really helped out, for a while.

As soon as I got home, I started having horrible stomach cramps.  I knew what was coming, and I didn’t like it.  I ended up praying to the porcelain god for over 2 hours.

Once I got to sleep, the phone began to ring.  Sometimes I heard it, sometimes I didn’t.  I’m a very heavy sleeper.  In the end I had 14 missed calls on my cell, and 13 messages on the answering machine.

Mostly my wife.